I knew I was awake but refused to admit it to myself. My dream was so vivid and I was livid I’m still me, still alive and breathing. I keep my eyes shut while my head spins, it felt like a free fall off a cliff for some reason I felt proud of myself. I did that. I allow myself to wallow in my semi-conscious state.

the darkness hasn’t swallowed me whole. I have silenced the other voice in my head for today and I’ll do it again tomorrow. I will overcome my cloud of sadness hovering over me to take my own life. sadness is a funny thing, as hard as it tries to consume me something makes me smile in the end. I’ll cry today and smile after, I’ll cry and laugh at myself for it because life is good. Life is now and I don’t want to waste any of it not laughing.